You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
