If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
