I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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