I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
