Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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