I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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