The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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