I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
