If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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