They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
