I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I deserve this hangover.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
