the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
