i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
