Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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