I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize