So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
