it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
