Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
