I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
