Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
