How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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