Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
