i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
