How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
