Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
