he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she told me i tasted like america
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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