o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
its liver damage thursday
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize