is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
