He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
