Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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