You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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