It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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