so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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