he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
