I puked a lego.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
