The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
