and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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