Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
