Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
