Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
