We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
