we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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