I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
