I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
