stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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