Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
