the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize