She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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