She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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