How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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