Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
