some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
