his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
