If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
