I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
