this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
