He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
