Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
