your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize