I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
