u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
