A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
