I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
