she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
