Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
