Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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