it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
