Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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