Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh god the rape fog is back!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
