every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
