we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
