It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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