Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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