what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
