when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
