moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
