i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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