No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
