Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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