i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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