i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
