so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
