So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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