4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Are my feet made of real feet?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
