where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
